Why I left Britain to live in France

A convicted criminal has had his curfew lifted because the electronic tag he was forced to wear did not look good with his shorts.

A self-confessed supplier of heroin. It seems like the script for a sketch on Little Britain, but no, it is your actual, real life news from the BBC.

In many parts of the world, heroin possesion and traffic carries a death sentence. In ZaNuLabour Britain it gets you nine months, suspended for two years.

And then, you get to go back to court, and have your lawyer argue "the tag would not look good with the shorts he was required to wear as his new uniform."

And the judge will say "What nonsense, stop wasting my time" "Wearing an electronic tag is not a fashion item when it comes to working in shorts and trying to sell windsurfing equipment." and rule that your tag may be removed, thus overturning the pitiful previous sentencing.

It is important when reading and/or writing about stuff like this that a stiff drink is at hand and a couch nearby so you can go have a little lie down to avoid the anurism that is likely to occur as the blood boils in your brain.