Christianity - mixed up.
Doh! The damn site *IS* satirical. Like Landover Baptist. And I fell for it. Ah well, I'll leave this post up as a lesson to others to keep thier irony meters tuned. Trouble is, unlike Landover, Lark News is pretty damn close to spot on accurate! Labels: christians, rant, religion
What a mixed up crazy religion!
Have a look at Lark News. It's "a good source for Christian news". And what is christian news?
Anyway. I'd always assumed that the church frowns on gambling. When you gamble, you are hoping for a win, a win based on luck. ie undeserved reward. Further, in many forms of gambling, poker for example, you are winning other people's losses. Kinda flies in the face of Jesus' number 1 rule to love your neighbour.
But over at Lark News, on the left sidebar is a thing called "Lot Caster" It says "Stop struggling with tough decisions. Throw lots with the Lark Online LotCaster!"
When you click it a little applet pops up. You type in ypur 2 conflicting issues, hit the button and hey presto! it tells you what to do. I tried it out.
And there you have it. The christian applet recommends that I abort my baby rather than save it and dedicate my life to Jesus.
And how about these testimonials: "I was really struggling with whether to marry my new Bible college girlfriend, or my church girlfriend back home. The Lark LotCaster gave me just the answer I needed."
- Justin, Richmond, Va.
"I had been in prayer about a vexing problem until I found this. It gave me the answer I needed to get out of my endless prayer loop. Thank you, Lark LotCaster!"
- Ellie, Northampton, Mass.
"I don't have a prayer journal anymore. All those 'past problems' were just weighing me down. Now I come here and get my answer quickly from the Caster. This product saves me time."
- Louis, Queens, NY
I'm sure there are some stupid OT verses to back up this business of "casting lots". What does Bible Gateway have to say?
Ah. Sure enough. Leviticus 16:8, Joshua 18:6, 1 Chronicles 24:31 and loads more.
It seems that when you have a tough decision you have Biblical precedent for simply rolling a dice.
At Lark News, apart from the fact that their applet, is just a random selector, there will be people making life changing decisions and then claiming that "God has spoken"
Or is it a christian in-joke that I'm too obtuse to see? And why can't these people make decisions? The testimonials certainly seem satirical, but, but . . .
.
My brain is about to explode!
posted by Stew @ 8:00 am
6 people could be arsed to comment
6 Comments:
Fabulous!
I asked the obvious question, imagine the response!
Would that it were real, hehe.
ohhhh can i blog this... or is that stealing. I gotta share that, it's brilliant!
great blog. loving it
moth - Help yourself. give me a hat tip :-)
I had another thought regarding this thing. Say the guy couldn't choose which gal to marry (like in the testimonials) so he does the Lot Caster. Later he tells his bride to be how much he loves her and how god helped him make a choice. "Yeah, I prayed for guidance and then I flipped a coin" *SLAP!*
regards
Stew
moth - follow chris bradley's wikipedia link.
It seems in life that if soemthing seems to good to be true then it IS too good to be true.
My irony meter needs tuning. I'm leaving the post as is tho, with a new first para.
ahh, yeah on first read i didn't notice the parody.
Thing is I actually used to cast lots to make big life decisions. Funnier still, the last time I did it it was to choose between working at a Christian school or a public school. the dice turned up public and I took it as his will. the people I met at the public school eventually helped me make a decision to discard religion.
... therefore I blame the nonexistant deity for my deconversion. ha
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